Halloween and a Parenting Failure!

It was no surprise that this Halloween Noah Asher wanted to be Captain America. About 8 months ago we bought him a captain America costume for a super hero party he was invited to. We paid about 75 bucks for the costume and the accessories, and let me tell you that he has gotten 750 dollars worth of usage out of it!

For weeks he has been telling me he wanted to use his costume and for weeks I have been telling him we are getting a new one. So last night there we were in the middle of the costume shop going back and forth why he "needed" a new one and he pleaded his case why he wanted to wear the old one.

And like Holifield being taken off guard with a bite to his ear by Tyson . There I was about to get side swiped with the parenting fail left jab!

MANY years of my life I struggled with what others thought of me. I struggled with me or my stuff not being good enough in the material sense. Although,  I have made tremendous improvement in this area,  there is still the old man that seeps through all to often. We have vowed to instill in our kids what we have is sufficient, not wanting more, not needing what we cant afford and being confident in who we are.

There in the store he said in the most innocent voice " mommy I dont need a new costume I just want to be the Captain America I have at home. Why do I need another one?" And there it was in my face exposed. My insecurities trying to be passed off to my son. He could never be so right. And if I could have been honest to him my answer would have been this. Son, you dont need a new costume, the old one you have is perfectly fine, looks good and still fits. But you see mommy is concerned with other moms would think about you not getting a new costume, when they have all gotten their kids new costumes. Mommy is more worried about what you may look or not look like more than the fact that you are content in just being captain America.

Ugh, awful right? But as the Lord is my witness its the truth. I just looked at those big brown eyes, and with a few tears, I knelt down asking him to forgive me, thanking him for teaching me and praised him for being simple and content!

Its funny how this parenting thing works sometimes, at times I often wonder who is teaching who here? I love how God uses our kids to teach us the simple lessons that we "think" we are teaching to our kids. I thank God for Noah's heart to be content. I thank God for keeping me humble, by revealing the nasty in my heart.

Do you struggle in this area? If you do, I come along side of you in prayer. May we be content in who we are, what we wear and not worry about what others think. Trying not to be perfect but be perfect in who we are!

So Caleb will be Hulk and I decided to have fun and use what we have here and spend minimal on his costume and you know what he actually looks pretty cool! So here is to simple, and not trying to keep up with anyone else!

Much Love.. Avengers Assemble,
Moni

Sacrificing, Blessings and 10 years!

It felt like the night before our wedding, only this time I needed to get three boys ready for the next days celebration. I sat down at midnight looking over my to do list, to ensure that every detail had been covered.

It was the night before our wedding times two! Yup ten years later to the day before family and close friends we were to witness us take new vows before the Lord and each other. Lets back up a second, actually Feburary 7th to be exact:

This conversation happened on a blog. When Bianca challenged us to do more, and asked us what we were giving up for Jesus. You see it was always my desire to renew our vows for our 10 year along with a short expensive laundry list of to do's on our tenth! As you can see. And so there on that day I left the desires of my heart there before the Lord, and gave it up. Sacraficing my will to the Fathers using our time and finances, so be it!

And here eight months later. I sat in awe of a God who not only allowed us to serve him in service but ALSO granted me the desires of my heart. As I read Bianca's comment I cant help but cry. I look back at a year of abundances of blessings, forgetting and wondering where was the sacrafice? I forgot because it was so minimal to what God has blessed us with. We put our finances in the Lord and he tripled them back down to us. Now I didnt get that upgraded diamond, oh and I am not that holy because it was not for lack of trying! I did get earring though.. woot woot! On saturday before a group of about 50 we gathered and glorified the Lord.

We stood as a represetation of how Christ can take jacked up people like us and make a family that love and works! I said my vows in true fashion, giving refrence to the Kardasians and lady gaga, and of course my husband in true fashion loved me the way Christ loves the church. He got down on his knees and surprised me by washing my feet. I cried, he cried and I think 80 percent of our guest cried. He said I cried because he choose a red bucket that clashed with my color scheme. Yup interenet a RED bucket, bless his heart that he also took a towel that we use to dry the cars with after a car wash :/  I think he was half right!

It was an amazing afternoon and many tears shed of gratitude, remembering and love. Laughter bounced off the walls as we caught up with friends and family. The un-newlywed game we played with a few couples just put a stamp on this love letter! We ended the night in Laguna Beach the place we got engaged and married. We had a wonderful dinner and finally for the first time since having the boys stayed the night away!

As we laid there flipping between dumb and dumber and the baseball game, yup I know totally romantic right... we were in awe. I could not have asked for such a better day and night. That day on February 7th,  I laid my desire and it was the very day that the Lord granted it. We put the Lord before all things and He?  well He just blew us away. It was our prayer that we would glorify Him with our celebration and He would be in every detail. Before we left the mining company, the head waiter wanted to talk to my husband.

He said in the 20 years he has been working there, he has never seen such a beautiful display of love and celebration. He said that it made him take a look at his life and re-evaluate many things, he didnt finish because he was starting to breakdown but Lord knows. To God be the Glory always.. In our marriage and in everything we do... !

I dont have all the pictures for the day yet but here are a few to share...

Ten tables for each year, each table had a willow tree to correspond with the significance of that year this was table #2 and it was 2003 which was "Growing in Love"

Our colors were silver and blue the tradiational ten year colors. Our scripture was Song of Solomon 6:3 "I am my beloved and my beloved is mine, he feeds his flock among the lilies." The flock reminded us of our little family and so we used the sheep to represent that. It was a cookie from the double tree hotel. The two bibles there were our first bibles, as a married couple and the ones that got us through a first tough year of marriage.

 Ten year tradition is tin, so we used a tin that the cookies came in. The pliability of tin and aluminum  is a symbol of how a successful marriage needs to be flexible & durable and how it can be bent without being broken. This has signifinace for us because our wedding night we stayed at the Double tree hotel, and fell in love with their cookies. Every year on our anniversary we buy a tin, ok sometimes we go more often :)

I want to thank Carmen of Expressionary Events who did my flowers. They were amazing! She is a one stop shop for weddings and parties, you can find her on Fb here!

Aganist my will, a friend paid to have my make up done.. I gotta say, although I am more the natural type, I fell in love with what she did! Thank you Britney of Rock Me Up Sudio & Spa!  Check her out here!

I wish I had a picture, but also want to thank Shannon Quintana for her amazing voice in leading us in worship that day. Look her up on Fb here!

Also want to thank Bianca for challenging your blog readers to do more and be more! You can check out her blog and keep up with her and all she is doing to change the world here on her blog. I promise you will not regret the reads!

I want to thank everyone that help make our day special and joining us.. For those that couldn't make it you were missed! I want to thank my Lord for loving so much that He gave me a man that I could love a little less than Him!

Where does the time go?

As I turned to walk away I heard a little voice "Mommy." I glanced back to see him standing there in his brown faded cords, vintage superman shirt, blue cons, and a smile that was brighter than the sun. " Bye, Mommy.. I love you"he yelled as he waved standing on the the playground. If I stayed any longer I would have ran back and taken him out of school. I turned walked away crying, and wondered "where did the time go?"

Tonight, as I sat a small table, with a chair that I felt I was going to break,  I saw the name "Noah" written on a tag tapped to the table. His artwork hung throughout the class, and when I saw a picture taken of him on the first day of school, I wondered... where did the time go?

"Can you believe we are here?" My husband must have asked at least three times. My memory is distorted by the disturbing fact that I sported a piece of bean on my tooth for the whole night. Please forgive me for forgetting some of the details.

I realized tonight on our drive home, that we worry so much about not having enough time, that we miss out on time, then wonder where it went. Where did the time go? It went when I was worrying about a clean house, when I should have been playing. It went when, we were trying to cram so much stuff on a Saturday, that we missed hanging out with each other. And I have to tell you this, just because you are together doesn't me that you are spending time together.

Last Saturday we planned nothing! Like literally nothing. We casually went about the day doing absolutely nothing that "needed" to be done. I have to tell you that we enjoyed every single moment of it, we hung out, went to a book store, ate, played games and watched football.

I have to admit there were a few times on Saturday when I felt like we should have been "busy" doing something else. That we were missing out on something or someplace we needed to be. Oh Lord help us with our time. I pray that I would not miss out on the important minutes with these boys..

I thought it was always cliche to hear " enjoy it, it goes by fast." It is so true, time doesn't stand still, and we don't know how much time we have so lets enjoy it not being busy. Lets play, let the house get dirty and go get dirty outside, and heck lets drink out of the hose like we used to..

Thank you so much for allowing to share my heart as we transition into the new normal.. I have to admit that some days I still feel jacked up by it, but I am learning so much...

Moni

Living life front facing!

As I pulled out of the garage, I heard "whoa" followed by a "Wee". I looked in the rear view mirror and was blinded by his smile. Yesterday we turned Caleb's car seat around. For almost two years he has been riding around rear facing.

We drove Asher to school and coming over a hill Caleb said "hey your getting me dizzy." Id imagine it was dizzy at first his eyes had to adjust to the opposite movement. Now he was able to see what we were seeing, not seeing things in passing, but getting a full grasp of everything. Cars, trees and people the way that he should see.

It made me reflect on life. Sometimes we are walking backwards, living life thinking about the past or living the past that we are not seeing the beauty of the present or the future. We are watching things as they pass us by because of fear. Life is a trip, but you can decided whether you want to live it rear facing or front facing.

Sometimes it will get you dizzy, but I can tell you that the ride is much funner when you can see the beauty of what's ahead. Don't be skerd! Live life looking forward to your future. You don't have to worry God is already there!

In Him!
Moni

P.s. by the way because I am not ashamed to ask for prayer will you pray for me. I had a terrible morning, I was irritable and not the mommy I should have been with my boys, very impatient. My heart was not where it should have been. Thank God for forgiveness!

Faith through the new normal

As mentioned in my last post, the Asher started school. Daddy started school, the BFF moved across country and I joined a new small group on Tuesdays. As crazy and tired as I feel, this my friends is our new normal. Having to actually be functioning at 6am and sitting in a school parking lot at 7:30am reading the proverbs is the new normal. Not being able to call my friend to meet me at target or come over for dinner is the new normal. Having to do homework and be on a tighter schedule is the new normal.

Sitting around ladies on Tuesday getting deep, opening up on what is really going on so they can pray for me is the new normal. What is normal? Well here is what the dictionary says....

-Not deviating from the norm or pattern
-free from mental disorder
-occurring naturally or expecting
-Having a straight-chain structure

After reading the definition of normal I can tell you one thing.. I am not normal! This new change made me flip my wig! Why because I didnt embrace the change, complained about it and doubted if I was ready for it! Then I remembered faith that I have in Jesus. Faith to know that after a few months, the new normal will no longer be new. I think back to many times in my life when I had to embrace the new normal, like when I got married, when my dad died or my mom had to go through cancer treatments, when I became a stay at home mom.. the list goes on and on.

But I find hope remembering the new normal of the past, to embrace the normal of the present and the new normal of the future! You see although our seasons change, our God and faith remain the same. God is the same yesterday, today and will be in the future, clinging to that will help ease into the new normal.

Are things changing in your life, are you heading into a new season of changes.. its ok, because once you get used to it, chances are it will change again :) Embrace it, ride it and find faith in it!

Love you,
Moni

BTW I was challenged to do a full marathon.. UGH after my half I vowed never to do another one and I am actually considering doing another one and 13 miles longer! What are your thoughts? You interested in it? challenging yourselves? Can we do it together? Hit me up..

Letting him grow... Letting her go!

Back in my working days, I use to score pretty high in the category of adapting to change. In the wireless industry you had to or you would be left behind. What we did one day we would do different the next and then back again a week later. You surely needed to be on your toes at all times.

This week my world got flipped upside down, yup Internet if I sound dramatic? Well I can tell you I cried lots of crocodile tears this week. Change happened and what I thought I was prepared for I was not. If I was getting my review this week I would not have passed with flying colors in the area of adapting to change.

My Asher started school this week. Transitional kindergarten in a public school. "Be a light, be a good witness and represent Jesus well" my usual last words a kiss good bye and walked out. He didn't cry, but as soon as I hit the door, the flood gates were open. I kept looking back waiting for him to run out and beg me to take him out, he didn't. I drove home sobbing, yes sobbing asked my best friend she heard the cry of my heart. I waited at home for the teacher to call me, but she didn't.

I went to go pick him up 3 1/2 hours later still crying waiting for him to be pressed on the window waiting for me but he wasn't. Up until Thursday I was a mess. What if I didn't prepare him to be on his own. What if I am supposed to be homeschooling him? What if he should have been in private school? What if the kids are mean? What if he needs to go potty and no one helps him with his belt? What if he falls off the slide? What if someone tries to take him? Will he go with a stranger? And because we live in a twisted world what if someone goes to shoot up the classroom?

Fear was paralyzing me, it was making me sick to my stomach. And the thought of him growing up... well I wasn't ready to let him grow.

Thursday night I was a ball of nerves, but I found myself sitting around the dinner table with 11 women celebrating. A send off dinner for one of my best friends. She got married and will be leaving to North Carolina. A friend who has been in my life for 6 short years but felt like 20. A staple to our house and our family, a auntie to our boys and a great friend to me.

Saying good bye to someone who has seen your best and worst isn't easy. Someone who has celebrated births, birthdays, and the every day occurrences of life isn't easy. But it wasn't in the happy times that grew us closer, but in the times of trials and tribulation and times when trusting in Jesus was all we had.

As we drove away from dinner I thought, what if I wasn't a good enough friend to her. What if I wasn't good example of a wife for her to be to her new husband. Who is going to do target runs with her on an island where she will know no one. Who is going to stay the night with me when my hubby is outta town? As I gave her a hug and tears rolled down our checks... well I wasn't ready to let her go.

 This week I was faced with two hard changes, letting my boy grow and letting my friend go! I learned that we cannot hold onto anything tighter than Jesus. I was reminded that Jesus is the only one who can hold tight those He calls His own. I cannot allow my fears to cripple the faith I proclaim I have. The faith I know I have.

Will I ever be prepared enough to let him grow or let her go? No, have I been the best of friend? Probably not. Have I prepared my son enough? Maybe.. could I have done better? Probably so. Some time ago God showed me that he did not call me to be perfect. He called me to live and love perfectly. Having faith in God can be easy, but trusting Him? Well that is where I have some work cut out for me.

Change is good, it is needed for growth. Like the changes we have in the seasons and weather it is needed to produce fruit. I am reminded that in my life seasons need to change to produce that fruit. I have peace, I am trusting in the Lord to take care of both. Is it hard? Totally but I have an two options, allow fear to consume me or allow my faith to uplift me.

So here is to changes and new seasons of life
XOXOX
Moni

Mickey ears and a 200 meter marathon!

He stretched and stretched and stretched.. As I stood there impatiently ( yup because unfortunately that is how I roll) drinking my chai, wondering why my husband was stretching my son like he was running a full marathon, when he was only doing 200 meters.

"Hon, hurry I want to make sure I get a good spot so I can see him run, its getting crowded." "Mommy I have to stretch for my marathon." To me it was 200 meters to him it was a marathon that he has been counting down the days to. Finally, lil Carl Lewis and his coached were done and with all excitement my son showed me how he was going to run, game face and all.

As they called out for his age bracket to line up, I turned to him and say run well son. He said "I will mommy, I'm going to run fast, come on daddy." They walked away and I stood there front in center of the finish line. With anticipation I held my camera waiting for him to cross, to see that huge smile, big eyes and mickey ears cross that finish line.

Minutes later, there he was running with his big ol smile, waving for brother and I to see. "Brother" Caleb screamed just as excited to see him as I was. Although he had already passed the finish, I kept cheering him on to continue running through to get his medal, and he ate it up!

Caleb and I made our way to Noah and my husband, and he was beaming, couldn't show me his medal fast enough. Look mommy, I got a medal like yours. I ran fast mommy, I ran for Jesus. With tears, I said "yes, son we are always running for Jesus."

As we drove home I reflected. If you are familiar with my blogs and my running experience you will know for me running is more spiritual than physical. Why? Because I am terrible at running, yet it has been something that I come to love, because I can relate to the athlete Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 in a different way.

If we parallel the events of the day to the race of faith we run we can learn a few things from my lil guy and his mickey ears. I was impatient, wanted to be a spectator, foolishly trying to cut down his time to prepare. He wanted to run, so he prepared himself for the race. I imagined myself like Jesus for a second, as I sat there will anticipation for my son to finish and do well. I thought about my God who also looks on waiting for me, encouraging me to finish strong and finish well.

It was hot, and crowded, Noah had mickey ears (that I convinced him would be cute) and when he ran he still had that smile. I saw the Joy that just beamed off him because he was proud to finish. I  thought about the Joy I sometimes lack when I am running my race, and how I can sometimes allow circumstances to rob me from it.

Then he reminded me what we run for. He reminded me that we don't run for medals that will perish but crowns and Jesus. He later told me that he got a little tired but he remembered that he had Jesus in his heart so he was strong. Oh how strong we are when we have Jesus in our heart!

I paid 20 bucks for his "marathon" but what he got from the day was so much more. It was application for life, not in the physical sense but the spiritual one. He got to put his faith into practice, he ran his race well that day and it is my prayer that he will never stop running, and he will run it well with Joy and for Jesus always!

Are you running? Are you tired? Or you just a spectator trying to find a good spot to cheer on those doing the work? I encourage you to put on your mickey ears and run, and run well!!!!!

Mad love for you all!
Moni