The other week, I was posting and save a draft entitled.. "Heart attack, attacks of the heart and modern day miracles." In that post I poured out my heart on how it appears that everyone around us was either having a physical heart attack or some sort of attack of the heart.
That night I was trying to pour out my heart pretending what it felt like to have one of these types of attacks. I couldn't, mistaking that I had to much to say and couldn't get it out on words, with what the real issue was. The issue of not being in that moment, until it happen.
Until Sunday when I came down the stairs to find my husband holding our lifeless two year old in his arms, trying to get him to wake up. His eyes rolling, and the only thing he knew to do it is pray. To pray over him and call out to him, telling him to hang on and that Jesus loved him. The only thing I could do is listen to the voice of a 911 operator trying to assure me that help was on the way and that we were going to be ok.
In that moment, all I knew what to do was also call out to Jesus. Not knowing in that long five minutes of not knowing, I called on the only one who knew.. Jesus. This was the attack of my heart or very well could have been my heart attack.
That night we walked out of the hospital holding our boy. As scary as it seemed it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Still not knowing what caused the fever that caused the seizure, we thank God for that moment. The moment of taking our baby home.
I would be lying if I said that all is well, but truth is we have been shaking up. We experienced a glimpse of how precious life can be and at any moment without warning, our loan could be expired and God could call His child home.
The chances of this happening again, is more likely till Caleb turns five, and my heart wants to turn to fear, worried about the what if's and it has many times. Replaying the images over and over again as if it was on a DVR. But then I have to ask myself is that what God wants for my life?
And the answer is No. I listen to an amazing study last night from Pastor Levi Lusko on using Pain as a microphone. Divine timing for a much needed reminder on how we need to use the trial and pain as a platform to profess what God has done in our life. Its during these times we are placed with keys to doors that would not be opened.
We had a follow up appointment Monday to see why Caleb had a high fever. As I waited in line for his prescription, I saw a lady buying some bed liners. Knowing I had a garage full of them the Lord prompted me to ask her if she needed them. In that moment, the last thing I wanted to do was be social and worry about anything other than getting my boy better. And just like it when the Lord wants you to do something, the prompting got stronger, my heart started racing and I spoke up.
" Do you use those alot?" She replied "Yes I go through a pack a day" We exchanged numbers and made plans for her to come the next day. Tuesday morning she showed up and picked up the liners, dropped off an unexpected bag of goodies from Trader Joe's and a beautiful plant. Then I opened up a the card. It read:
" Thank God, for the blessed gift you have offered to our family, in a great time of need."
You know what I love about this card, is that this lady recognized that the gift came from God, that He met her need. Friends, this divine appointment would not have happen had we not been there due to the attack of my heart. To keep this post from becoming a novel, I will spare the details on how see even ended up there, but just trust me when I say it was God appointed.
Last night as I tried to fall asleep I had to ask myself what I was going to do next? Live in fear, never leaving the house and hoovering over my child or really believe and trust in what I proclaim that Jesus is the anchor to my soul and in Him I find hope.
Friends, I believe in miracles, I believe in a God who funded a friends 30 thousand dollar cd, by using people to donate 15 thousand dollars in day. I believe in a God who after 15 years of prayer gave a baby to a friend. I believe in a God who held my son in the palm of his hand and gave him life, when all we could do to help him was pray.
Modern day miracles, we have seen in just the last month. Will my life be different? Sure it will, I will spend more time, doing things for Jesus and less time on the things that don't matter. You don't realized how precious moments are when you have your nose buried in your phone, until you almost lose them with the ones you love. God is not done with our Caleb yet or our family. It would be a disservice to our God to not allow this attack of our heart change the way we live for Him!
Thank you for your prayers, love and support for our family and boy!
"This hope we have as an anchor of the soul.." Hebrews 6:19
Serving Him,
The Pereyra family!
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