As I sat on the floor making my second puppy house for one of Caleb's stuffed dog I couldn't help but chuckle.
Armed with tape, scissors and cardboard , under my breath I mumbled "so this is what you had in mind for full time ministry?"
Lets back up a minute, actually let me take you back about 8 years ago. I was sitting In my office one afternoon at work. My door was shut but through the open blinds I watch as people passed wondering , what do they think they will be doing in five years. The night before we had an all managers meeting at a hotel and we were handed a paper from our director and at the end the was that question... "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I mean like really who even knows?
I could probably tell you the answers to many of my colleagues. To be in that next position, to make more, to be more etc.... I on the other hand by faith was prompted to write the words,"To be in full time ministry". At the time sal and I had no kids. We gladly spent many hours serving at the church ,mission trips and outreaches. I guess that question just awoke my spirit that day to ask the Lord, what does that look like?
I sat at my desk gazing upon multiple open projects, a inbox full of emails, a calendar saturated with meetings, conference calls and round tables wondering if this was going to be my life forever. Don't get me wrong I LOVED my job. The position was created for me and I had my hand in my duties. I got to really work with the things I love ....people and projects!
But there was just that longing for more. The money, position and responsibility, or even the success I had could not curb my appetite for something I didn't even know I was craving.
Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant with Asher! And boy was that a surprise! I remember cleaning out my office days before maternity leave, seven boxes of my personal belongings made my director question whether I'd be back. While I was out on leave, the Lord was showing me to quit. Lord you are crazy! Seriously, how could we ever afford it? I am not even sure I am going to like being a mom. I don't even know how to cook that well.
Well, I ended up resigning before my leave was over and never went back by faith! HA! imagine that! About three years ago I finally got around to cleaning some of the old office boxes and I found that paper, with that question. There in my handwriting I saw the words... "full time ministry". Five years later and I was technically in full time ministry although it didn't look like how I planned it to be. Instead of mission trips and serving in the church, I was a cooking dinner, cleaning house and trying not to kill the kids!
I'd be lying if I told you the transition was easy it wasn't and there are still days when I miss the deadlines,problem solving and adult interaction, but I have been blessed to serve my family, friends and my sons school and church.
The "full time ministry " I thought looks noting like I had imagine. Yet I couldn't see myself anywhere else and doing anything else. The point I'm trying to make here is this.
We limit God to what we think we want or what we think will make us happy. Yet, God knowing the true desires of our heart sees past the temporal and sees the eternal. Gods plans are not ours. And thank Him that they are not, I couldn't imagine missing out on raising my boys and the ministry he has blessed me with.
Gods a trip man! He is so awesome on how he just orchestrates our lives. Perhaps you are in place that you didn't think you'd be! Or maybe it doesn't fit the "plan" or "vision you had for your life. God knows what He is doing. He had it all planned out before you were even born. He carefully puts together the best blue print for our lives and it would be crazy to be ok with the limitations of our own dreams. I don't believe we can dream any bigger than the dream The Lord has for us. But you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give up your will to Gods perfect will? It ain't easy friends, I still mess it up, however God has graciously put me back on course every time!
Praying for you and where even He has you even if it doesn't look how you imagined it to.
#trustinggod, #beingfaithful
Moni
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