Hitting a wall

I remember the map showed about four miles along the beach then we would hang a left onto residential streets. 

As I gazed ahead, I only saw a sea of runners and there was no detour in sight. I felt like I had been running along the beach for what seemed like eternity and it didn't look like it was going to change any time soon. 

The first six miles seemed to fly, with the changing of the scenery, but the straight path of just sand and ocean became undaunting. As I got to the next mile marker hoping to get some sort of relief from another mile down, I was met with frustration. 

Mile EIGHT? I thought I already ran that mile. Immediately, my mind was met with uncertainty and fear. As I ran past runner after runner stopping, cramping, crying.... I started to fear what if I can't finish. What if I start to cramp. What if I never get past these beach miles. What if.... 

Immediately I had to remind myself that this wall I'm hitting was more mental than physical. I had trained for this and I was prepared to finish. If I get pass this wall, I would be ok. Although I could not see the finish line, each step was one closer to finishing. I had to make a choice to panic or fight through it and finish. 

Today as I started the day, I had to remind myself this is another wall, although I cannot see the finish line each minute, each breath I take is one closer to the finish line. 

My back is whacked from my sciatica , I am barely getting around and we found ourselves in urgent care again with another round of strep for Noah. I feel like I have been running along the beach forEVER. To be honest it's only been about 7 months, But this stretch has been undaunting!

Just like running in a marathon, in life we hit walls. Here we are running along and some miles seem to breeze by with ease and then ,there are those that we feel will never end. When? are we going to see the next mile marker? Then we get there only to realize its a mile of the same struggle, testing and growing. 

It's then we have to make a choice on how we are going to continue to run. Reminding ourselves of the spiritual training we have gone through, or retreating and giving up. When we take our eyes off the prize ahead, let our fears have power over faith and we look to the right or left we are headed into a heap of trouble. 

Remember when peter got off the boat and walked on water to Jesus. It was not until he took his eyes off Jesus and let the fear of walking on water mentally take over when he started to sink. 

That was his mistake. But what I love, is that although he had this mental lapse. The bible tells us that Jesus immediately grabbed him. 

It's so reassuring to know that as we are running when hit that wall we can call upon the name Jesus to pull us up. But if I'm being honest I have to tell you that just knowing that is not enough. We need to put what we know into action by faithfully fighting through the wall. 

You don't have to do it alone. One thing that helped me along the course was the pleather of people who came out to cheer, hold signs and shouted "your doing great, almost there".

The last few days we have been blessed with family and friends who have stepped up in school pick up, running errands and bringing us dinner! We were not intended to walk this journey solo.. Dont be to proud to accept the help, and accept the blessings. 

Run your race, keep your eye on the prize, fight through the wall and don't do it alone! 

#trustingGod #beingfaithful
Moni

He will show up!

As I'm buckling him in and kissing him goodbye he says.

"Ok mommy ill see you later at my awards assembly. Surprise me who else is going to be there. "

"Ok son, well for sure I will."

"I know mommy, because you are always there." 

Today, daddy was doing the morning drop off. And today, Asher is getting an award. As I walked away from the car I couldn't help but notice the confidence in his voice when it was no question if I was going to be at his awards assembly. 

It made me think of Jesus. If my son has the confidence on his earthly mother (with faults and all) showing up how much greater confidence we have in the Heavenly Father being where we want and need him to be. 

This kind confidence doesn't just happen. Over time,  as I continue to show up at his school for one event after another, no matter how big or small he has reassurance that I will be at the next one. 

Think about this for a moment. When God called Abraham to grab his son , some wood and go up to the place to sacrifice his only son, do you think he doubted God would show up? His words I'm Genesis tell us how much faith he had in His God.

He tells his servants:

"Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and the WE will come back to you."

Wow , talk about faith and trust and knowing God would show up and provide a sacrifice. Imagine? If this was Abraham's first encounter with God? He would have been like "whaaaa? You cray cray."

But we know this was not Abraham's first encounter with The Lord. Abraham had confidence in The Lord because he knew what He had done before in his life and he had built up faith in The Lord. 

When God is leading you somewhere, you have to know He will be there. Why? Because his word says "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Are you lacking the confidence in The Lord that He will be where He says He will be?

Take a moment and remember the times when He showed up. Whether they are big or small. Be assured that He was there yesterday, will be here today and He is already in tomorrow. 

One of my favorite quotes came from the Disney movie CARS, and of all characters, Mater. 

He was driving backwards and McQueen tells him to turn around because he is going to crash and Mater says...

"I don't need to know where I'm going,

I just need to know where I been"

So remember to take that moment to  reflect on where you have been and thank God for being there! 

Happy Friday friends!

#trusting God , #being faithful 

Moni

Today is the first day...

Today is the first day....

Today is the first day, you woke up and realized that she is no longer able to be reached by phone.

Today is the first day, you wished, she would have held on a little bit longer to see the birth of your first child.

Today is the first day, you think about all the things you could have, should have and would have done different.

Today is the first day, you realize that you knew was coming, but dreaded.

Today is the first day, you will learn how to trust God more, exercise your faith and believe in the hope we read and know about in the one who is the true anchor of our soul.... Jesus

Today is her first day, in the presence of our Lord and Savior.

Today is her first day, running on the street of gold, no longer bound to a bed, wheel chair or cane.

Today is her first day, breathing with lungs that are no longer infested with the poison of chemo or cancer.

Today is her first day, catching up with the saints that have gone before us.

Today is her first day, experiencing all the treasures in heaven, the paradise the the promises that we believe that are awaiting for us in a place He went to prepare for us. She is in her mansion.

Today is her first day in Eternity.


Today will turn to tomorrow, and so on and so on. Time doesn't heal wounds, time only makes it easier. There will be days when is seems like eternity since she has been gone and then days when it was just like yesterday. Days when you experience the peace and joy that she is no longer suffering and days when the pain feels so raw, you don't understand Gods timing.

 But this we know shorty, that God is the giver of life and the same God that took your mom home is the same God who knew you would need the newness of life in that womb of yours. I'm not going to lie and tell you it will be easy, but you know more than anyone how life can be so tough.

But this I know that we serve a God who's power can and will reach down in the darkest moments and grab ahold of our hearts and hand and we just know we will get through it.

I love you and praying Gods peace..

Mon

Lazy bones

I remember her words so clearly. And I was so fearful of it ever happening to me. 

She said "if God prompts your heart to share something and you don't, don't worry He will use someone else to do it, but He will know that He cant count on you. " such hard words to swallow yet so true. 

She was talking in the context of an afterglow instruction,  but today that dreaded fear happen. Coming home from church tonight Caleb would not stop talking. It was as though someone slipped him a talking pill in class. Half way home from the car ride I just got so tired. I leaned the seat back and allowed my mind to drift into lala land.

Then a mile away from home we heard the screeching of the tires , the horns and the horrible sound of crushing metal and fiberglass. We didn't really see the accident but we heard it from the opposite side of the intersection.

It was in that moment, that my heart told me to pray. "Lord I'm to tired. " my hubby went on to explain what had happen and what the sound was to the boys.  Again my heart reminded me to pray as a family for the accident. And once again with my eyes half shut I reminded myself how tired I was. 

With the boys conversation half tuned out, me wrestling  to stay awake and being disobedient I heard his little voice. 

"Oh ok daddy, so those cars hit each other, and they got in an accident, so we should pray for them daddy." 

Sure Caleb would you like to pray? My husband responded. 

And he did, he prayed one of the most powerful prayers my little three year old could pray. When he finished I laughed. Outta the mouth of babes. I was immediately reminded of that time she said He would use someone else. 

Wow, talk about convicting man! And why because I was to lazy to mutter out the words that would only take a few moments? Awhile ago my husband shared this with the high school group...

"Without Him I can't, and without me He won't" 

In other words with Jesus I can't do anything, and without me willing to do He won't do it. Only it will still get done just not through me.  I love that about The Lord, how the simple daily interactions can remind us of how to live and how He uses our children to minister to us. 

Lets us not grow lazy! 

Trusting God, being faithful

Dude wheres my chai?

One hour photo, In n Out, Panda Express, Quick Lube, iPod,  iPhone, iPad, iWant....

Today we are a people of I want and I want it now. There is no joy in the waiting, and being patient is like labor pains. Ok well maybe I am being a little dramatic but this is coming from someone who struggles with Patience. Please pray for me! 

The other day while waiting for my coffee, I  watched the young guy move as slow as molasses and I could feel the hairs on the back of neck stand. Really? dude wheres my chai? My grandma with no arms can make that chai faster! How long can it take to make two coffees?

After he perfectly whipped my  husbands Mocha, he was proudly handed it over waiting for the coffee gods to applauded his perfectly brewed perfection. I, on the other hand looked at him like I had been aging for several years waiting for my chai. But truth be told, I didn't really have no where I needed to be, so why on earth was I so irritated with the speed of the barista? 

 I have to tell you that the last six months have been kinda gnarly. We have experience death, upon physical illness, spiritual  illness, mental illness and spiritual attacks. Last night before my head hit the pillow my knees hit the carpet. Now before you applaud me for my holiness, you should know that this doesn't happen every night or as often as it should.

As Noah was sick yet again, I cried out to the Lord expressing how tired I was of this season, when would it turn, when will the work be DONE. When could this season be nothing more than a memory of the spiritual growth. 

In the book of  Matthew a gentlemen brings his child to Jesus in the 17th chapter and asks him why the disciples were unable to cast out the demon who brought his child epileptic seizures . Jesus brings up the first problem. Unbelief? He says a "Because of your unbelief, for assuredly I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there and it will move: nothing will be impossible for you." But, then he goes on to say that certain things require fasting and prayer.  In other words your drive by request and in and out healing or confirmations are just not going to be sufficient.

So what are you trying to tell us? Here, is what I want you to know. Gods timing. I know you are cringing. We throw "gods timing" confidently in our prayers, and they sound so good rolling off the tongue as mature believers. But at the end of the day what we are really asking for, is our timing with Gods anointing. 

Here's the thing friends, we cannot change Gods timing. Have you ever thanked God for not being somewhere ten minutes earlier? Or perhaps you heard about an accident on the freeway you would have been on had you not gotten off  work late. So if we are grateful for those moments, should we not also be thankful for all the other things in our lives that He is working on in His time. I think that He has proven Himself fully capable of working all things for good? Amen? 

But I get it! Its tough because we want healing and we want it now. We want that job or that helpmate and we have been waiting forever! The hardest part about the waiting is not being able to see the plan from start to finish. Hebrews 11:1 explains that is what faith looks like, being sure of what we hope for and not what we do not see, paraphrased. Friends I'm soooo there with you, today I took the advice of Jesus and fasted and prayed for the things in my life ,I'm waiting on him for. I stood in the gap for friends who are in the waiting for husbands, healing, for jobs and the list goes on and on.  

I'm not sure what is going on in your life? Are there things that you are waiting on? Perhaps your are tired of being in the same season. Can I challenge you to take the advice of Jesus....pray and fast. The first step to being ok with Gods timing is realizing that God is not a short order chef. He has a purpose and a plan for your life. It's divine! It is well thought out and it is good because He is good, and He wants the best for you.  But, you have to believe that He knows what is best. If you are a parent you'll understand this way of parenting and lastly we need to pray and fast! 

So let us not be consumed with time, let us slow down, allow God to work. Pray for the patience to be ok with where we are. Let us fast for the things that we cannot change. More importantly let us have that unwavering faith, that truly believes that mountains can be moved. 

#TrustingGod #Beingfaithful

Moni

What's under the wrapper matters!

We stood there in front of the table that had a bowl full of candy . I grabbed two purple tootsie pops and gave them to the boys. Caleb, spotted a yellow one and insisted that was the one he wanted. Knowing what was under the yellow wrapper tasted, like I tried to convice him, that I knew what he would like.

Something you should know about Caleb is once his mind is set, there is no changing it.

Fine! After moments of pleading, I swapped out the purple for the yellow. Here you go, but I know your not going to like it, I muttered as I gave it to him. We walked away for the table and he ripped off the wrapper with the anticipation of the goodness of the yellow sucker. It only took a second for the sucker to his lips that made his smile turn to a frown. By this time we were half way to the car. Mommy, I don't want this, I want the other one, tossing it in a near by trash can.

I explained to him that it was to late, he made his choice and we were not going back. He pleaded as we continued to the car and of course cried. Looking at his brother enjoy his sucker he was upset that his was now in the trash. You should have trusted me son, I knew you were not going to like that one.

It was then I was reminded of the character of god, how He is such a loving father that always has our best interest at hand. How so often he chooses something for us, but we are enticed by something that "looks" better. Yet He wants us to trust Him because He knows what is under the wrapper. 

And because we have free will, He permits us to make our own choices. He allows us to "exchange" the flavor. And when that happens we find ourselves with consequences of not trusting God and taking matters into our own hands.

It was a good teachable moment for the boys and a reminder how we need to trust God.

Hebrews 11:1 say "now faith is being sure of what is hoped for and certain of what we do not see. "
Sometimes what God is doing in your life may not make sense, but trust that He knows what's best for you, taking things into your own hands may result in a flavor that is not pleasing to your palette.

Trusting God, Being Faithful
Moni

Sea of faces

A new year , new blogs... I find myself sitting in front of the computer lately with intentions of completing a full blog. The truth is as i start yet another attempt to complete one, Im staring at endless drafts in my feed. 

I am motivated by friends that have started new ones, and old blogs that had a facelift, yet I just cannot seem to put in words what my heart wants to share. And then I am plagued with does anyone really care? I read a few years back there were 153,205,413 blogs on the Internet with 47719 added on a daily basis. 

That is so crazy to me? The other day I saw this  interesting ad for apple. It had gentlemen holding a tripod with the new iPad attached and it said "what will your verse be." Below it, it read:

"Each of us has something to share, a voice, a passion, a perspective. The potential to add a stanza to the worlds story."

There are two things I love about this ad. First it's asking what will, your verse be? In other words , what do you want to be known by? And then what story are you bringing to the world. Kutless put out a song several years ago called "sea of faces" . 

" .....I am not just a man vastly lost in this world, lost in the sea of face, your body's the bread, your blood is the wine cuzz you,traded your life for mine." 

When I sing that I am reminded that despite the gazillion of people that exist, I am not lost in the crowd. My blog is not lost is the sea of social media. Your blog, your story matters. We all have a story to share, and to someone it matters. 

What story are you going to contribute to this world? Are you contemplating writing your story or a blog but feel like it doesn't matter? You have to know it does! So here is to more writing in the new year! I can't promise better spelling or grammar but I can promise honesty and truth! 

trusting God and being Faithful, 

Moni