Where does the time go?

As I turned to walk away I heard a little voice "Mommy." I glanced back to see him standing there in his brown faded cords, vintage superman shirt, blue cons, and a smile that was brighter than the sun. " Bye, Mommy.. I love you"he yelled as he waved standing on the the playground. If I stayed any longer I would have ran back and taken him out of school. I turned walked away crying, and wondered "where did the time go?"

Tonight, as I sat a small table, with a chair that I felt I was going to break,  I saw the name "Noah" written on a tag tapped to the table. His artwork hung throughout the class, and when I saw a picture taken of him on the first day of school, I wondered... where did the time go?

"Can you believe we are here?" My husband must have asked at least three times. My memory is distorted by the disturbing fact that I sported a piece of bean on my tooth for the whole night. Please forgive me for forgetting some of the details.

I realized tonight on our drive home, that we worry so much about not having enough time, that we miss out on time, then wonder where it went. Where did the time go? It went when I was worrying about a clean house, when I should have been playing. It went when, we were trying to cram so much stuff on a Saturday, that we missed hanging out with each other. And I have to tell you this, just because you are together doesn't me that you are spending time together.

Last Saturday we planned nothing! Like literally nothing. We casually went about the day doing absolutely nothing that "needed" to be done. I have to tell you that we enjoyed every single moment of it, we hung out, went to a book store, ate, played games and watched football.

I have to admit there were a few times on Saturday when I felt like we should have been "busy" doing something else. That we were missing out on something or someplace we needed to be. Oh Lord help us with our time. I pray that I would not miss out on the important minutes with these boys..

I thought it was always cliche to hear " enjoy it, it goes by fast." It is so true, time doesn't stand still, and we don't know how much time we have so lets enjoy it not being busy. Lets play, let the house get dirty and go get dirty outside, and heck lets drink out of the hose like we used to..

Thank you so much for allowing to share my heart as we transition into the new normal.. I have to admit that some days I still feel jacked up by it, but I am learning so much...

Moni

Living life front facing!

As I pulled out of the garage, I heard "whoa" followed by a "Wee". I looked in the rear view mirror and was blinded by his smile. Yesterday we turned Caleb's car seat around. For almost two years he has been riding around rear facing.

We drove Asher to school and coming over a hill Caleb said "hey your getting me dizzy." Id imagine it was dizzy at first his eyes had to adjust to the opposite movement. Now he was able to see what we were seeing, not seeing things in passing, but getting a full grasp of everything. Cars, trees and people the way that he should see.

It made me reflect on life. Sometimes we are walking backwards, living life thinking about the past or living the past that we are not seeing the beauty of the present or the future. We are watching things as they pass us by because of fear. Life is a trip, but you can decided whether you want to live it rear facing or front facing.

Sometimes it will get you dizzy, but I can tell you that the ride is much funner when you can see the beauty of what's ahead. Don't be skerd! Live life looking forward to your future. You don't have to worry God is already there!

In Him!
Moni

P.s. by the way because I am not ashamed to ask for prayer will you pray for me. I had a terrible morning, I was irritable and not the mommy I should have been with my boys, very impatient. My heart was not where it should have been. Thank God for forgiveness!

Faith through the new normal

As mentioned in my last post, the Asher started school. Daddy started school, the BFF moved across country and I joined a new small group on Tuesdays. As crazy and tired as I feel, this my friends is our new normal. Having to actually be functioning at 6am and sitting in a school parking lot at 7:30am reading the proverbs is the new normal. Not being able to call my friend to meet me at target or come over for dinner is the new normal. Having to do homework and be on a tighter schedule is the new normal.

Sitting around ladies on Tuesday getting deep, opening up on what is really going on so they can pray for me is the new normal. What is normal? Well here is what the dictionary says....

-Not deviating from the norm or pattern
-free from mental disorder
-occurring naturally or expecting
-Having a straight-chain structure

After reading the definition of normal I can tell you one thing.. I am not normal! This new change made me flip my wig! Why because I didnt embrace the change, complained about it and doubted if I was ready for it! Then I remembered faith that I have in Jesus. Faith to know that after a few months, the new normal will no longer be new. I think back to many times in my life when I had to embrace the new normal, like when I got married, when my dad died or my mom had to go through cancer treatments, when I became a stay at home mom.. the list goes on and on.

But I find hope remembering the new normal of the past, to embrace the normal of the present and the new normal of the future! You see although our seasons change, our God and faith remain the same. God is the same yesterday, today and will be in the future, clinging to that will help ease into the new normal.

Are things changing in your life, are you heading into a new season of changes.. its ok, because once you get used to it, chances are it will change again :) Embrace it, ride it and find faith in it!

Love you,
Moni

BTW I was challenged to do a full marathon.. UGH after my half I vowed never to do another one and I am actually considering doing another one and 13 miles longer! What are your thoughts? You interested in it? challenging yourselves? Can we do it together? Hit me up..

Letting him grow... Letting her go!

Back in my working days, I use to score pretty high in the category of adapting to change. In the wireless industry you had to or you would be left behind. What we did one day we would do different the next and then back again a week later. You surely needed to be on your toes at all times.

This week my world got flipped upside down, yup Internet if I sound dramatic? Well I can tell you I cried lots of crocodile tears this week. Change happened and what I thought I was prepared for I was not. If I was getting my review this week I would not have passed with flying colors in the area of adapting to change.

My Asher started school this week. Transitional kindergarten in a public school. "Be a light, be a good witness and represent Jesus well" my usual last words a kiss good bye and walked out. He didn't cry, but as soon as I hit the door, the flood gates were open. I kept looking back waiting for him to run out and beg me to take him out, he didn't. I drove home sobbing, yes sobbing asked my best friend she heard the cry of my heart. I waited at home for the teacher to call me, but she didn't.

I went to go pick him up 3 1/2 hours later still crying waiting for him to be pressed on the window waiting for me but he wasn't. Up until Thursday I was a mess. What if I didn't prepare him to be on his own. What if I am supposed to be homeschooling him? What if he should have been in private school? What if the kids are mean? What if he needs to go potty and no one helps him with his belt? What if he falls off the slide? What if someone tries to take him? Will he go with a stranger? And because we live in a twisted world what if someone goes to shoot up the classroom?

Fear was paralyzing me, it was making me sick to my stomach. And the thought of him growing up... well I wasn't ready to let him grow.

Thursday night I was a ball of nerves, but I found myself sitting around the dinner table with 11 women celebrating. A send off dinner for one of my best friends. She got married and will be leaving to North Carolina. A friend who has been in my life for 6 short years but felt like 20. A staple to our house and our family, a auntie to our boys and a great friend to me.

Saying good bye to someone who has seen your best and worst isn't easy. Someone who has celebrated births, birthdays, and the every day occurrences of life isn't easy. But it wasn't in the happy times that grew us closer, but in the times of trials and tribulation and times when trusting in Jesus was all we had.

As we drove away from dinner I thought, what if I wasn't a good enough friend to her. What if I wasn't good example of a wife for her to be to her new husband. Who is going to do target runs with her on an island where she will know no one. Who is going to stay the night with me when my hubby is outta town? As I gave her a hug and tears rolled down our checks... well I wasn't ready to let her go.

 This week I was faced with two hard changes, letting my boy grow and letting my friend go! I learned that we cannot hold onto anything tighter than Jesus. I was reminded that Jesus is the only one who can hold tight those He calls His own. I cannot allow my fears to cripple the faith I proclaim I have. The faith I know I have.

Will I ever be prepared enough to let him grow or let her go? No, have I been the best of friend? Probably not. Have I prepared my son enough? Maybe.. could I have done better? Probably so. Some time ago God showed me that he did not call me to be perfect. He called me to live and love perfectly. Having faith in God can be easy, but trusting Him? Well that is where I have some work cut out for me.

Change is good, it is needed for growth. Like the changes we have in the seasons and weather it is needed to produce fruit. I am reminded that in my life seasons need to change to produce that fruit. I have peace, I am trusting in the Lord to take care of both. Is it hard? Totally but I have an two options, allow fear to consume me or allow my faith to uplift me.

So here is to changes and new seasons of life
XOXOX
Moni

Mickey ears and a 200 meter marathon!

He stretched and stretched and stretched.. As I stood there impatiently ( yup because unfortunately that is how I roll) drinking my chai, wondering why my husband was stretching my son like he was running a full marathon, when he was only doing 200 meters.

"Hon, hurry I want to make sure I get a good spot so I can see him run, its getting crowded." "Mommy I have to stretch for my marathon." To me it was 200 meters to him it was a marathon that he has been counting down the days to. Finally, lil Carl Lewis and his coached were done and with all excitement my son showed me how he was going to run, game face and all.

As they called out for his age bracket to line up, I turned to him and say run well son. He said "I will mommy, I'm going to run fast, come on daddy." They walked away and I stood there front in center of the finish line. With anticipation I held my camera waiting for him to cross, to see that huge smile, big eyes and mickey ears cross that finish line.

Minutes later, there he was running with his big ol smile, waving for brother and I to see. "Brother" Caleb screamed just as excited to see him as I was. Although he had already passed the finish, I kept cheering him on to continue running through to get his medal, and he ate it up!

Caleb and I made our way to Noah and my husband, and he was beaming, couldn't show me his medal fast enough. Look mommy, I got a medal like yours. I ran fast mommy, I ran for Jesus. With tears, I said "yes, son we are always running for Jesus."

As we drove home I reflected. If you are familiar with my blogs and my running experience you will know for me running is more spiritual than physical. Why? Because I am terrible at running, yet it has been something that I come to love, because I can relate to the athlete Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 in a different way.

If we parallel the events of the day to the race of faith we run we can learn a few things from my lil guy and his mickey ears. I was impatient, wanted to be a spectator, foolishly trying to cut down his time to prepare. He wanted to run, so he prepared himself for the race. I imagined myself like Jesus for a second, as I sat there will anticipation for my son to finish and do well. I thought about my God who also looks on waiting for me, encouraging me to finish strong and finish well.

It was hot, and crowded, Noah had mickey ears (that I convinced him would be cute) and when he ran he still had that smile. I saw the Joy that just beamed off him because he was proud to finish. I  thought about the Joy I sometimes lack when I am running my race, and how I can sometimes allow circumstances to rob me from it.

Then he reminded me what we run for. He reminded me that we don't run for medals that will perish but crowns and Jesus. He later told me that he got a little tired but he remembered that he had Jesus in his heart so he was strong. Oh how strong we are when we have Jesus in our heart!

I paid 20 bucks for his "marathon" but what he got from the day was so much more. It was application for life, not in the physical sense but the spiritual one. He got to put his faith into practice, he ran his race well that day and it is my prayer that he will never stop running, and he will run it well with Joy and for Jesus always!

Are you running? Are you tired? Or you just a spectator trying to find a good spot to cheer on those doing the work? I encourage you to put on your mickey ears and run, and run well!!!!!

Mad love for you all!
Moni