Letting him grow... Letting her go!

Back in my working days, I use to score pretty high in the category of adapting to change. In the wireless industry you had to or you would be left behind. What we did one day we would do different the next and then back again a week later. You surely needed to be on your toes at all times.

This week my world got flipped upside down, yup Internet if I sound dramatic? Well I can tell you I cried lots of crocodile tears this week. Change happened and what I thought I was prepared for I was not. If I was getting my review this week I would not have passed with flying colors in the area of adapting to change.

My Asher started school this week. Transitional kindergarten in a public school. "Be a light, be a good witness and represent Jesus well" my usual last words a kiss good bye and walked out. He didn't cry, but as soon as I hit the door, the flood gates were open. I kept looking back waiting for him to run out and beg me to take him out, he didn't. I drove home sobbing, yes sobbing asked my best friend she heard the cry of my heart. I waited at home for the teacher to call me, but she didn't.

I went to go pick him up 3 1/2 hours later still crying waiting for him to be pressed on the window waiting for me but he wasn't. Up until Thursday I was a mess. What if I didn't prepare him to be on his own. What if I am supposed to be homeschooling him? What if he should have been in private school? What if the kids are mean? What if he needs to go potty and no one helps him with his belt? What if he falls off the slide? What if someone tries to take him? Will he go with a stranger? And because we live in a twisted world what if someone goes to shoot up the classroom?

Fear was paralyzing me, it was making me sick to my stomach. And the thought of him growing up... well I wasn't ready to let him grow.

Thursday night I was a ball of nerves, but I found myself sitting around the dinner table with 11 women celebrating. A send off dinner for one of my best friends. She got married and will be leaving to North Carolina. A friend who has been in my life for 6 short years but felt like 20. A staple to our house and our family, a auntie to our boys and a great friend to me.

Saying good bye to someone who has seen your best and worst isn't easy. Someone who has celebrated births, birthdays, and the every day occurrences of life isn't easy. But it wasn't in the happy times that grew us closer, but in the times of trials and tribulation and times when trusting in Jesus was all we had.

As we drove away from dinner I thought, what if I wasn't a good enough friend to her. What if I wasn't good example of a wife for her to be to her new husband. Who is going to do target runs with her on an island where she will know no one. Who is going to stay the night with me when my hubby is outta town? As I gave her a hug and tears rolled down our checks... well I wasn't ready to let her go.

 This week I was faced with two hard changes, letting my boy grow and letting my friend go! I learned that we cannot hold onto anything tighter than Jesus. I was reminded that Jesus is the only one who can hold tight those He calls His own. I cannot allow my fears to cripple the faith I proclaim I have. The faith I know I have.

Will I ever be prepared enough to let him grow or let her go? No, have I been the best of friend? Probably not. Have I prepared my son enough? Maybe.. could I have done better? Probably so. Some time ago God showed me that he did not call me to be perfect. He called me to live and love perfectly. Having faith in God can be easy, but trusting Him? Well that is where I have some work cut out for me.

Change is good, it is needed for growth. Like the changes we have in the seasons and weather it is needed to produce fruit. I am reminded that in my life seasons need to change to produce that fruit. I have peace, I am trusting in the Lord to take care of both. Is it hard? Totally but I have an two options, allow fear to consume me or allow my faith to uplift me.

So here is to changes and new seasons of life
XOXOX
Moni