Field tripping

Right after I asked her to babysit brother I was prompted to ask her if she wanted to go on the field trip.

"Would you like to go on the field trip with Noah? And I'll stay home with Caleb?"
As soon as the text left my inbox immediately I wanted to crawl through the network and retract it. She said "sure" and like that I felt like I gave my child up adoption.
A little dramatic? Totally. But for someone who struggles with control, the thought of missing my child's trip with him being in a bus on the freeway in a public place without me could cause a case of well the dramatic antics of a high school girl that just found out her boyfriend cheated with her best friend. (What? Where on earth did that come from?)
Monday as I asked his teacher , if it was ok for his auntie to go. I secretly wanted her to say no. But she didnt!

Last night at dinner I mentioned to Noah that auntie Cassie would be going on the trip and he broke down in tears. He said , "but you are my mommy and you need to go. "At that moment I was unsure what to. Do I be sensitive to his need and longing for me to be there ? or lay down the law and tell him the plans were set.

I asked him to pray and sleep on it and see what Jesus would have us do. I asked him to be open to whatever God was showing him and we would talk in the morning. As I was explaining to him the importance of being flexible I was trying to convince myself of same thing.
This morning we woke up and he said he still wanted me to go. I asked him what God showed him. He said he was not sure. I got in the shower in case I had to stand in last minute. When I got out of the shower, Caleb woke up a little under the weather and I was also feeling the same way.
I explained to Noah it would be best that auntie Cassie would go on the trip. I explained to him that brother needed me and it would be a blessing for the time him and auntie would have.
I came downstairs and my hubby took over. As I made their lunches the thoughts of missing out, not being there and his anxietys flooded my mind.

He came down and he decided that it was a good idea for his auntie to go. As he left I was sad but god showed me what a great opportunity it was to grow in the areas we both struggle with... Control!
Today Noah learned that he needed to push his needs aside and allow me to be with brother. He learned how to be flexible although we can plan God directs the steps. He also learned that in his anxiety of me not being there he needed to trust in The Lord. Unfortunately my boy has inherited the need for things to be in order, perfect and planned. And life my friends is anything but that.
It's only through these times God allows us to exercise our faith to help us in the areas we most struggle with.

Today I'm learning to trust God completely with my child. How to resist the lies of the enemy telling me how I'm missing out , reminding myself of the blessings auntie Cassie is having spending this fun time with her nephew. God showed me that I too need to be flexible and give up the control that there will be moments that happen in our children's lives that won't happen on our watch and we need to be ok.

Today God graciously showed me that my son needs to live out his own faith that mommy may not always be there but his God always shows up. Today The Lord gave us an opportunity to grow and gave auntie Cassie and Noah some fond memories.

Hitting a wall

I remember the map showed about four miles along the beach then we would hang a left onto residential streets. 

As I gazed ahead, I only saw a sea of runners and there was no detour in sight. I felt like I had been running along the beach for what seemed like eternity and it didn't look like it was going to change any time soon. 

The first six miles seemed to fly, with the changing of the scenery, but the straight path of just sand and ocean became undaunting. As I got to the next mile marker hoping to get some sort of relief from another mile down, I was met with frustration. 

Mile EIGHT? I thought I already ran that mile. Immediately, my mind was met with uncertainty and fear. As I ran past runner after runner stopping, cramping, crying.... I started to fear what if I can't finish. What if I start to cramp. What if I never get past these beach miles. What if.... 

Immediately I had to remind myself that this wall I'm hitting was more mental than physical. I had trained for this and I was prepared to finish. If I get pass this wall, I would be ok. Although I could not see the finish line, each step was one closer to finishing. I had to make a choice to panic or fight through it and finish. 

Today as I started the day, I had to remind myself this is another wall, although I cannot see the finish line each minute, each breath I take is one closer to the finish line. 

My back is whacked from my sciatica , I am barely getting around and we found ourselves in urgent care again with another round of strep for Noah. I feel like I have been running along the beach forEVER. To be honest it's only been about 7 months, But this stretch has been undaunting!

Just like running in a marathon, in life we hit walls. Here we are running along and some miles seem to breeze by with ease and then ,there are those that we feel will never end. When? are we going to see the next mile marker? Then we get there only to realize its a mile of the same struggle, testing and growing. 

It's then we have to make a choice on how we are going to continue to run. Reminding ourselves of the spiritual training we have gone through, or retreating and giving up. When we take our eyes off the prize ahead, let our fears have power over faith and we look to the right or left we are headed into a heap of trouble. 

Remember when peter got off the boat and walked on water to Jesus. It was not until he took his eyes off Jesus and let the fear of walking on water mentally take over when he started to sink. 

That was his mistake. But what I love, is that although he had this mental lapse. The bible tells us that Jesus immediately grabbed him. 

It's so reassuring to know that as we are running when hit that wall we can call upon the name Jesus to pull us up. But if I'm being honest I have to tell you that just knowing that is not enough. We need to put what we know into action by faithfully fighting through the wall. 

You don't have to do it alone. One thing that helped me along the course was the pleather of people who came out to cheer, hold signs and shouted "your doing great, almost there".

The last few days we have been blessed with family and friends who have stepped up in school pick up, running errands and bringing us dinner! We were not intended to walk this journey solo.. Dont be to proud to accept the help, and accept the blessings. 

Run your race, keep your eye on the prize, fight through the wall and don't do it alone! 

#trustingGod #beingfaithful
Moni

He will show up!

As I'm buckling him in and kissing him goodbye he says.

"Ok mommy ill see you later at my awards assembly. Surprise me who else is going to be there. "

"Ok son, well for sure I will."

"I know mommy, because you are always there." 

Today, daddy was doing the morning drop off. And today, Asher is getting an award. As I walked away from the car I couldn't help but notice the confidence in his voice when it was no question if I was going to be at his awards assembly. 

It made me think of Jesus. If my son has the confidence on his earthly mother (with faults and all) showing up how much greater confidence we have in the Heavenly Father being where we want and need him to be. 

This kind confidence doesn't just happen. Over time,  as I continue to show up at his school for one event after another, no matter how big or small he has reassurance that I will be at the next one. 

Think about this for a moment. When God called Abraham to grab his son , some wood and go up to the place to sacrifice his only son, do you think he doubted God would show up? His words I'm Genesis tell us how much faith he had in His God.

He tells his servants:

"Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and the WE will come back to you."

Wow , talk about faith and trust and knowing God would show up and provide a sacrifice. Imagine? If this was Abraham's first encounter with God? He would have been like "whaaaa? You cray cray."

But we know this was not Abraham's first encounter with The Lord. Abraham had confidence in The Lord because he knew what He had done before in his life and he had built up faith in The Lord. 

When God is leading you somewhere, you have to know He will be there. Why? Because his word says "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Are you lacking the confidence in The Lord that He will be where He says He will be?

Take a moment and remember the times when He showed up. Whether they are big or small. Be assured that He was there yesterday, will be here today and He is already in tomorrow. 

One of my favorite quotes came from the Disney movie CARS, and of all characters, Mater. 

He was driving backwards and McQueen tells him to turn around because he is going to crash and Mater says...

"I don't need to know where I'm going,

I just need to know where I been"

So remember to take that moment to  reflect on where you have been and thank God for being there! 

Happy Friday friends!

#trusting God , #being faithful 

Moni

Today is the first day...

Today is the first day....

Today is the first day, you woke up and realized that she is no longer able to be reached by phone.

Today is the first day, you wished, she would have held on a little bit longer to see the birth of your first child.

Today is the first day, you think about all the things you could have, should have and would have done different.

Today is the first day, you realize that you knew was coming, but dreaded.

Today is the first day, you will learn how to trust God more, exercise your faith and believe in the hope we read and know about in the one who is the true anchor of our soul.... Jesus

Today is her first day, in the presence of our Lord and Savior.

Today is her first day, running on the street of gold, no longer bound to a bed, wheel chair or cane.

Today is her first day, breathing with lungs that are no longer infested with the poison of chemo or cancer.

Today is her first day, catching up with the saints that have gone before us.

Today is her first day, experiencing all the treasures in heaven, the paradise the the promises that we believe that are awaiting for us in a place He went to prepare for us. She is in her mansion.

Today is her first day in Eternity.


Today will turn to tomorrow, and so on and so on. Time doesn't heal wounds, time only makes it easier. There will be days when is seems like eternity since she has been gone and then days when it was just like yesterday. Days when you experience the peace and joy that she is no longer suffering and days when the pain feels so raw, you don't understand Gods timing.

 But this we know shorty, that God is the giver of life and the same God that took your mom home is the same God who knew you would need the newness of life in that womb of yours. I'm not going to lie and tell you it will be easy, but you know more than anyone how life can be so tough.

But this I know that we serve a God who's power can and will reach down in the darkest moments and grab ahold of our hearts and hand and we just know we will get through it.

I love you and praying Gods peace..

Mon