Field tripping

Right after I asked her to babysit brother I was prompted to ask her if she wanted to go on the field trip.

"Would you like to go on the field trip with Noah? And I'll stay home with Caleb?"
As soon as the text left my inbox immediately I wanted to crawl through the network and retract it. She said "sure" and like that I felt like I gave my child up adoption.
A little dramatic? Totally. But for someone who struggles with control, the thought of missing my child's trip with him being in a bus on the freeway in a public place without me could cause a case of well the dramatic antics of a high school girl that just found out her boyfriend cheated with her best friend. (What? Where on earth did that come from?)
Monday as I asked his teacher , if it was ok for his auntie to go. I secretly wanted her to say no. But she didnt!

Last night at dinner I mentioned to Noah that auntie Cassie would be going on the trip and he broke down in tears. He said , "but you are my mommy and you need to go. "At that moment I was unsure what to. Do I be sensitive to his need and longing for me to be there ? or lay down the law and tell him the plans were set.

I asked him to pray and sleep on it and see what Jesus would have us do. I asked him to be open to whatever God was showing him and we would talk in the morning. As I was explaining to him the importance of being flexible I was trying to convince myself of same thing.
This morning we woke up and he said he still wanted me to go. I asked him what God showed him. He said he was not sure. I got in the shower in case I had to stand in last minute. When I got out of the shower, Caleb woke up a little under the weather and I was also feeling the same way.
I explained to Noah it would be best that auntie Cassie would go on the trip. I explained to him that brother needed me and it would be a blessing for the time him and auntie would have.
I came downstairs and my hubby took over. As I made their lunches the thoughts of missing out, not being there and his anxietys flooded my mind.

He came down and he decided that it was a good idea for his auntie to go. As he left I was sad but god showed me what a great opportunity it was to grow in the areas we both struggle with... Control!
Today Noah learned that he needed to push his needs aside and allow me to be with brother. He learned how to be flexible although we can plan God directs the steps. He also learned that in his anxiety of me not being there he needed to trust in The Lord. Unfortunately my boy has inherited the need for things to be in order, perfect and planned. And life my friends is anything but that.
It's only through these times God allows us to exercise our faith to help us in the areas we most struggle with.

Today I'm learning to trust God completely with my child. How to resist the lies of the enemy telling me how I'm missing out , reminding myself of the blessings auntie Cassie is having spending this fun time with her nephew. God showed me that I too need to be flexible and give up the control that there will be moments that happen in our children's lives that won't happen on our watch and we need to be ok.

Today God graciously showed me that my son needs to live out his own faith that mommy may not always be there but his God always shows up. Today The Lord gave us an opportunity to grow and gave auntie Cassie and Noah some fond memories.