Struggling weight!

There, I sat across from her looking into the eyes of a woman who had, had enough. I just need help Mon. I need your help, show me what to do. I was at work and we were in my office, only I was not coaching her on performance or work related issues.

She was tired of the weight struggle. I remember thinking to myself, ....ME to, ME to.. At the time I was working for ATT and I had just dropped a grip of weight and I'm not sure how it happened but I  became the head of the unofficial diet crew of our call center. We had a group of about 15-20 people who I would coach on how to lose weight, we had weekly meetings, a newsletter and for those really struggling I had one on one coaching sessions.

I remember thinking to myself how in the world did I get in this position, when I too didn't have it all figured out and still dont. The other day someone posted on Instagram a quote from Christine Caine and it went like this "God uses rescued people to rescue people." I realized it at the time that although I wasn't equipped on nutrition and working out, I knew the struggle, I knew what God can do and did and that is the encouragement she was looking for.

You know this afternoon, I sat there looking at my running shoes collecting dust and I remember our drive to San Diego many years ago. The Lord just whispered in my ear "Faith, Food, Fitness" I remember asking Him what does that mean?

I wasn't completely sure what it meant for a long time, but I was brought back to the time when I had the diet crew.  I know God has called me to walk along side women who struggle in the areas that most of us struggle with, faith, food and fitness. I know that I am not called because of what I know but called because I know the struggle. And called because of who I know.. Jesus!

Today I had one of those moments when I had to ask myself if I am fully being obedient to what God has called me to do in these areas in my life. Sadly, I had to say No, once again yo yo weight loss, and laziness set in. I can mask it with, being busy serving the Lord, but at the end of the day, I know in my heart that I cannot fully serve God in the areas He has called me in with excuses.

It sucks, to start over.. But here is what I know.. I know that my weight issues go way deeper than what I am willing to share right now. Finding the root of it all has and allowing God to do healing is the step in the right direction. I can tell you that although my food and fitness has wavered, my faith in God has not.

Knowing this makes it easier to accomplish the other two, because we know that we can do ALL things through Him who gives us strength. I know God gave me the words in the most important order Faith-Food- Fitness. Weight loss sprinting will not sustain anyone, because its a marathon!

Speaking of which.. I signed up for the Long Beach in October. This one holds a special place as it was my first and I ran it for Gracie. Runners for Grace was birthed at mile 5 of this marathon. I am super excited that perhaps I can get a team to run this one.

I have to tell you that I was pretty bummed with missing the Pediatric run that our team normally takes part in but as I type I believe He had a great plan and perhaps its Long Beach. I mean what a run to do as a team. So I am praying God would provide me with a team and specifically some who have never ran one before. I would love to walk or run the journey. I promise you will never experience anything like crossing the finish line for the first time!

So as I close out this blog, I thank you for allowing me to share my heart and be real. I also would ask that if you remember me that you would pray as I embark training. And if you are also struggling and need someone to come along side of you, I am always available for prayer. I am not an expert but we can figure it out together! More to come on the journey!

#trustingGod #beingfaithful
Love you!
Moni

Phil 413
1 Cor 9:24-27

Throwing it back blog- mommy's raising boys!

Tomorrow is throw back Thursday and I happen to come across of one my favorite blogs... Wrote it back in 2010..

It's "10 things daddy's should know about mommy raising boys"... Click.. Here to read it! Call me lazy or creative to bring it back.. Either way enjoy!

Love ya!
Moni

puppy houses, full time ministry and Gods will

As I sat on the floor making my second puppy house for one of Caleb's stuffed dog I couldn't help but chuckle. 

Armed with tape, scissors and cardboard , under my breath I mumbled "so this is what you had in mind for full time ministry?" 

Lets back up a minute, actually let me take you back about 8 years ago. I was sitting In my office one afternoon at work. My door was shut but through the open blinds I watch as people passed wondering , what do they think they will be doing in five years. The night before we had an all managers meeting at a hotel and we were handed a paper from our director and at the end the was that question... "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I mean like really who even knows?

I could probably tell you the answers to many of my colleagues. To be in that next position, to make more, to be more etc.... I on the other hand by faith was prompted to write the words,"To be in full time ministry".  At the time sal and I had no kids. We gladly spent many hours serving at the church ,mission trips and outreaches. I guess that question just awoke my spirit that day to ask the Lord, what does that look like? 

I sat at my desk gazing upon multiple open projects, a inbox full of emails, a calendar saturated with meetings, conference calls and round tables wondering if this was going to be my life forever. Don't get me wrong I LOVED my job. The position was created for me and I had my hand in my duties. I got to really work with the things I love ....people and projects! 

But there was just that longing for more. The money, position and responsibility, or even the success I had could not curb my appetite for something I didn't even know I was craving. 

Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant with Asher! And boy was that a surprise! I remember cleaning out my office days before maternity leave, seven boxes of my personal belongings made my director question whether I'd be back. While I was out on leave, the Lord was showing me to quit. Lord you are crazy! Seriously, how could we ever afford it? I am not even sure I am going to like being a mom. I don't even know how to cook that well. 

Well,  I ended up resigning before my leave was over and never went back by faith!  HA! imagine that!  About three years ago I finally got around to cleaning some of the old office boxes and I found that paper, with that question. There in my handwriting I saw the words... "full time ministry".  Five years later and I was technically in full time ministry although it didn't look like how I planned it to be. Instead of mission trips and serving in the church, I was a cooking dinner, cleaning house and trying not to kill the kids!

I'd be lying if I told you the transition was easy it wasn't  and there are still days when I miss the deadlines,problem solving and adult interaction, but I have been blessed to serve my family, friends and my sons school and church.

The "full time ministry " I thought looks noting like I had imagine. Yet I couldn't see myself anywhere else and doing anything else. The point I'm trying to make here is this. 

We limit God to what we think we want or what we think will make us happy. Yet, God knowing the true desires of our heart sees past the temporal and sees the eternal. Gods plans are not ours. And thank Him that they are not, I couldn't imagine missing out on raising my boys and the ministry he has blessed me with. 

Gods a trip man! He is so awesome on how he just orchestrates our lives. Perhaps you are in place that you didn't think you'd be! Or maybe it doesn't fit the "plan" or "vision you had for your life. God knows what He is doing. He had it all planned out before you were even born. He carefully puts together the best blue print for our lives and it would be crazy to be ok with the limitations of our own dreams. I don't believe we can dream any bigger than the dream The Lord has for us. But you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give up your will to Gods perfect will? It ain't easy friends, I still mess it up, however God has graciously put me back on course every time! 

Praying for you and where even He has you even if it doesn't look how you imagined it to. 

#trustinggod, #beingfaithful

Moni

beyond borders

She stopped mid chorus and encouraged us to really think about what we were singing. 

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, where my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior."

Do you understand what you are asking? In that moment, what I was asking God was to take me deeper,out of the boat in to the water. Take me into the storm, because it is impossible for faith to be made stronger unless it is exercised. 

How do we exercise faith? It needs to be tested and tried. How is it tested and tried...? A good trip through the valley. About four months ago, I clung to my husband in our kitchen tired. I was so over the season of being in the valley and I just wanted to sit on the mountain top basking in the sun. When can I get back in the boat Lord?

 

Today , I find ourselves no longer in the valley , but we are defiantly miles from the top. I can tell you this.... As I sit and think of the times of being beyond the border of comfortable, I can't help to remember the day our Caleb had his seizure and went unconscious. How I helplessly, sat on the stairs praying with Noah as my husband ran in and outta the house with Caleb unresponsive in his arms. "Talk to Jesus son, hang on to Jesus son" he kept repeating. And what seemed like eternity was only a few moments before the ambulance got to our house. 

I remember following the ambulance with such fear? I had to go deep beyond anything I had ever experienced before to find the faith and trust in The Lord that goes beyond the border of any of my previous testing. I could hear the encouragement that I often shared about in bible studies, blogs or devotions and I had to ask myself do I really believe God had us.

Although that event was traumatic for our family, there is no other way we could have experienced the peace and presence of God like that any other way.

 

A border can be discribed as a boundary. Think about that for a moment. We set boundaries in relationships and places to keep us safe. How uncomfortable do you feel when someone has crossed it.

 

One of the first times I went to Mexico I was terrifed. I heard about all the bad things that happen when you cross the border and how serious you need to be. I remember thinking what if when they ask me something, and I get this unexpected accent. Forget my information and I can't answer. Then they think I'm lying and think I'm trying to cross illegally. Haha... or what if my sense of humor does do well with the Feds and they throw me in the slammer with Pedro and I have to drink the dirty water and I get a parasite and die. 

How dumb huh? We were not even there yet and I was already thinking of how my new life in Mexico would look like , because I would never get back home. 

Last night as we sat with a friend who will be signing her divorce documents today, we reminded her how God is already in our tomorrow. "It's going to be hard tomorrow " she kept saying. "Or it may not. We have no idea how tomorrow will be, but we know God is already there. " We don't know what's beyond the border we are asking God to lead us beyond.

BUT we can rest in the fact that He is there. 

I love the last part of that chorus:

"...in the presence of my savior". God is present! Thank God He is always faithful to show up. 

It's a deep song, but it's also a heavy prayer. After truly understanding what I was asking I have never sang it the same. Perhaps God has taken you outside the border of your own trust. Where you are I'm the middle of a heavy workout of faith building, remember one thing God will never lead you where His grace cannot keep you! 

#trusting God, being faithful

Moni

Drifting

There I stood on the shoreline gazing out looking out at all the surfers . I remember thinking how I would never go that far in the ocean. I was about nine years old and we rarely made it out to the beach much, perhaps because we were Mexican. And when we did we didn't stay long because my mom didn't enjoy the sand. 

So , there I stood with my lil butt cheeks hanging out of the bottom of my swim suit that was a little snug. ok who am I kidding that thing was screaming to get off. I don't care, I had a rad new boggie board. Gripping tightly to that board, I held on for dear life as I approached wave after wave. "Come out here."..came between the waves from my brother and cousin who were much daring than I.

"Nope! I'm comfortable here where my feet can touch the ocean floor." They made their way to me making fun of me and again trying to convince me it was much funner farther out. Wave after wave, we played in the ocean and before I knew it there I was clinging to my board and my feet could no longer feel the bottom.

Looking out to see how far the shoreline was I Immediately panicked, how on earth did I get this far out?

Webster defines "drift" as this-

: a slow and gradual movement or change from one place, condition, etc., to another

I slowly drifted and it was not intentional, but as I got distracted with playing with the boys I slowly made my way to uncharted waters.

I don't believe someone intentionally ends up at 189 pounds at 5'2. I don't believe some intentionally draws away from the Lord. I don't believe that someone who has been working out consistently for months or years, wakes up one day and decides not work out anymore. I don't believe that someone goes to a place of sin that will wreck their life intentionally.

This weekend I attended a women's retreat and one of the speakers brought up drifting, and it really made me evaluate times in my life when I have drifted from the things that are good. It is easy to drift If we are not careful.

You see one compromise here, one there and soon you find yourself in waters where your feet cannot touch the ground. It made me really evaluate where in my life at this very moment have I drifted from. Taking that self examination it made me realize that I have drifted from the very three things that prompted this blog, my faith, food and fitness.

Lord how did I end up here? You drifted Moni, that's how. Remember when you were to busy to hear me calling you? I was trying to increase your faith.Remember that testing, I was trying to get you to trust me. Remember when you said, just one bite of this will not hurt? It led to another and then another. Remember when you choose to sit on the couch and watch two hours of tv, when it was time to run? You drifted.... 

It didn't happen overnight but very slowly. If we are not careful and intentional in the things that matter most we will find our self in a place far off wondering how on earth did I get so far away. 

My brother saw the panic in my face and he swam to me and grabbed a hold of the board and wave after wave we rode it to shore. 

In the book of Matthew, it tells us that when Peter was walking on water to Jesus and started to sink, he called out, and IMMEDIATELY Jesus stretched out His arm to help him. Don't you love that about God that despite how much we mess up, lack faith, have unbelief or don't trust, when we call upon His name and He immediately stretches out His arm to save us.

 

I mean seriously Peter, you had Jesus right there walking on water with you and calling you, how on earth could you have any once of fear? It says Peter took his eyes off The Lord and placed them on the water. Doh..... Um yea that's happen to me more than a few times!

 

Are you drifting? Have you drifted? If you have, you have to know that you are never to far from the shore. When you call upon The Lord He will immediately stretch out his hand to save you and help you. May God help us to keep our feet planted in Him and His word. When we use Him as the anchor and truly believe he is the anchor of our soul, it is impossible to drift.

 

Commit all your ways to Him. Tonight I commit to Him my faith, my food and my fitness and declare that He is the anchor to my soul. I pray He is also yours. Friends it truly a labor some journey ! I know I can beat a dead horse by saying don't do it alone, but I will encourage you again. Surround yourself with ladies that will come alongside and be the lifter of your arms. Be humble, be transparent and be real, because we all know no one is all that and a bag of chips! #whatdoesthatmeananyways #idontevenlikechipswithoutsalsa #dopeoplestillsaythatanymore

Here is a picture from our retreat.. These are a few ladies who stand in the gap and are the lifter of my hands when I am tired.. I am truly blessed and many more who are not in this picture. I heart truly overflows with Gods Grace! 

Trusting god, being faithful, 

Love you,

Moni

Field tripping

Right after I asked her to babysit brother I was prompted to ask her if she wanted to go on the field trip.

"Would you like to go on the field trip with Noah? And I'll stay home with Caleb?"
As soon as the text left my inbox immediately I wanted to crawl through the network and retract it. She said "sure" and like that I felt like I gave my child up adoption.
A little dramatic? Totally. But for someone who struggles with control, the thought of missing my child's trip with him being in a bus on the freeway in a public place without me could cause a case of well the dramatic antics of a high school girl that just found out her boyfriend cheated with her best friend. (What? Where on earth did that come from?)
Monday as I asked his teacher , if it was ok for his auntie to go. I secretly wanted her to say no. But she didnt!

Last night at dinner I mentioned to Noah that auntie Cassie would be going on the trip and he broke down in tears. He said , "but you are my mommy and you need to go. "At that moment I was unsure what to. Do I be sensitive to his need and longing for me to be there ? or lay down the law and tell him the plans were set.

I asked him to pray and sleep on it and see what Jesus would have us do. I asked him to be open to whatever God was showing him and we would talk in the morning. As I was explaining to him the importance of being flexible I was trying to convince myself of same thing.
This morning we woke up and he said he still wanted me to go. I asked him what God showed him. He said he was not sure. I got in the shower in case I had to stand in last minute. When I got out of the shower, Caleb woke up a little under the weather and I was also feeling the same way.
I explained to Noah it would be best that auntie Cassie would go on the trip. I explained to him that brother needed me and it would be a blessing for the time him and auntie would have.
I came downstairs and my hubby took over. As I made their lunches the thoughts of missing out, not being there and his anxietys flooded my mind.

He came down and he decided that it was a good idea for his auntie to go. As he left I was sad but god showed me what a great opportunity it was to grow in the areas we both struggle with... Control!
Today Noah learned that he needed to push his needs aside and allow me to be with brother. He learned how to be flexible although we can plan God directs the steps. He also learned that in his anxiety of me not being there he needed to trust in The Lord. Unfortunately my boy has inherited the need for things to be in order, perfect and planned. And life my friends is anything but that.
It's only through these times God allows us to exercise our faith to help us in the areas we most struggle with.

Today I'm learning to trust God completely with my child. How to resist the lies of the enemy telling me how I'm missing out , reminding myself of the blessings auntie Cassie is having spending this fun time with her nephew. God showed me that I too need to be flexible and give up the control that there will be moments that happen in our children's lives that won't happen on our watch and we need to be ok.

Today God graciously showed me that my son needs to live out his own faith that mommy may not always be there but his God always shows up. Today The Lord gave us an opportunity to grow and gave auntie Cassie and Noah some fond memories.

Hitting a wall

I remember the map showed about four miles along the beach then we would hang a left onto residential streets. 

As I gazed ahead, I only saw a sea of runners and there was no detour in sight. I felt like I had been running along the beach for what seemed like eternity and it didn't look like it was going to change any time soon. 

The first six miles seemed to fly, with the changing of the scenery, but the straight path of just sand and ocean became undaunting. As I got to the next mile marker hoping to get some sort of relief from another mile down, I was met with frustration. 

Mile EIGHT? I thought I already ran that mile. Immediately, my mind was met with uncertainty and fear. As I ran past runner after runner stopping, cramping, crying.... I started to fear what if I can't finish. What if I start to cramp. What if I never get past these beach miles. What if.... 

Immediately I had to remind myself that this wall I'm hitting was more mental than physical. I had trained for this and I was prepared to finish. If I get pass this wall, I would be ok. Although I could not see the finish line, each step was one closer to finishing. I had to make a choice to panic or fight through it and finish. 

Today as I started the day, I had to remind myself this is another wall, although I cannot see the finish line each minute, each breath I take is one closer to the finish line. 

My back is whacked from my sciatica , I am barely getting around and we found ourselves in urgent care again with another round of strep for Noah. I feel like I have been running along the beach forEVER. To be honest it's only been about 7 months, But this stretch has been undaunting!

Just like running in a marathon, in life we hit walls. Here we are running along and some miles seem to breeze by with ease and then ,there are those that we feel will never end. When? are we going to see the next mile marker? Then we get there only to realize its a mile of the same struggle, testing and growing. 

It's then we have to make a choice on how we are going to continue to run. Reminding ourselves of the spiritual training we have gone through, or retreating and giving up. When we take our eyes off the prize ahead, let our fears have power over faith and we look to the right or left we are headed into a heap of trouble. 

Remember when peter got off the boat and walked on water to Jesus. It was not until he took his eyes off Jesus and let the fear of walking on water mentally take over when he started to sink. 

That was his mistake. But what I love, is that although he had this mental lapse. The bible tells us that Jesus immediately grabbed him. 

It's so reassuring to know that as we are running when hit that wall we can call upon the name Jesus to pull us up. But if I'm being honest I have to tell you that just knowing that is not enough. We need to put what we know into action by faithfully fighting through the wall. 

You don't have to do it alone. One thing that helped me along the course was the pleather of people who came out to cheer, hold signs and shouted "your doing great, almost there".

The last few days we have been blessed with family and friends who have stepped up in school pick up, running errands and bringing us dinner! We were not intended to walk this journey solo.. Dont be to proud to accept the help, and accept the blessings. 

Run your race, keep your eye on the prize, fight through the wall and don't do it alone! 

#trustingGod #beingfaithful
Moni